Got a haircut recently- In a local barbershop near my home. I prefer barber shops rather than beauty parlors because I have had contrasting experience. In salons the conversation always started with how my skin, eyebrows or lips looks bad and i need to do some more procedures to be beautiful whereas the barbers have always been the most uplifting conversation starters I have ever met. I have stayed in various places and have been a part of such shops across the country literally. Its not only about the barber, its getting to the shop, opening the door, hearing the loud chatter and laughter, the music, the non-stop banter on cricket (in Punjab it was hockey), sitting in the chair – it’s a cultural experience.
I went in ,waited for my turn even though a couple of guys were willing to let me go first as it was a barbershop not a unisex place. And the chatter resumed. There were two guys were taking notes from their barber about skincare, the only concern they had that sunscreens or moisturisors should not have any fragrance or people will tease. The conversation which followed was interesting, the barber bhaiya asked them why is it bad? To take care of ourselves, he said if people bully u for taking bath regularly bcz they take bath once a week due to alpha-ness , will u start copying them ? So, why here ? Then he encouraged them not to react inside mind, let it bounce of your hair colour , and then confront whoever bullies you, because at the end of everything hygiene is cool. If you are into sports and gym , maybe bully them back for not wearing sunscreen.
Then there was one particular uncle who chimed in – son, with skin take care of your hair also, we were told that taking care of hair and skin is ladylike, hence we washed it with normal soap, sometimes detergent and we became bald by 35. We need to behave like we don’t care in front of everyone, but not so much that u start to believe it and stop caring for yourself too. Few minutes later, a 10 year boy entered and everyone discussed women’s cricket. Its the finals we all were looking forward to. By the time I was on that chair, the topic was starting a business, and the advice was so GOATed.
I realised For guys this is a wonderful third space other than their tea shop. Iin India boys are not too open with families, I think the number of guys who received their first pieces of advice – on school, relationships and sports – in a barbershop is a lot. It’s little hard to nail down all the reasons why barbershops continue to be a safe haven for men regarding their mental health but I think i might think of a few. The relaxed casual atmosphere allows for information to flow and advice passed around without judgement, everyone is respectful about each others unique experience of struggles outside the shop. Issues from politics to international affairs to blood pressure and diabetes are all discussed. And its true-Guys are more loyal to their barbers than their partners.
I try out multiple hobbies which i love, and even though every skill is available for a low price on internet, i prefer offline mode because it provides me a third space – to be me . We all have different personas infront of our family and in workplace. The reason I love solo travel is I can be whoever I want, when I am with people who already have defined my personality in their minds it gets difficult. Eventually i shrink to fit into their versions. Now I am exhausted of shrinking. Now, in the journey of finding myself again. Coming back to my experience- I went there initially to get a short trim at the ends bcz of damage. My first trim took place with positive energy reciprocated on both sides. Then I took some time , browsed through pinterest on someones tablet – and after 30 minutes decided to let go of my hair. The other guys were recommending shades and hairstyles too. The patience and grace made me realise that I never even knew that I missed this environment in a while in last few years i had a long hair.
Its truly A safe space where you can talk about everything from mundane to magic.
When I was a teenager i had short hair and when I was being bullied and abused, it was my barber who gave me the courage to take a stand. In a society where females are only encouraged to stay silent it was huge. I have cherished conversations about my board exam preparation which often leading to self reflection and healthy introspection. I grew up in a village where barbers have a front-row seat to all major events in a person’s life; their highlights, low points, achievements and hardships. Every family function , they are the first ones always.
Majority Indians are not yet fans of therapy. And then being strong and the need to take matters into own hands leads to not expressing issues and eventually self-medicating with drugs and alcohol which always ends disastrously. I remembered a village in Kerala where the genius barber encouraged people to play chess and now the village is alcohol free with budding chess geniuses. Thats the power barbers hold.
Of course there is a difference in being treated by MHP vs talking to a barber. It is the safe space of the shop which I am a fan of. There is something which just makes u open up. I have been seeing a therapist for sometime and even though she is awesome, i still sometimes hesitate in few topics but here i talked about my career break and an ex (who immediately got into a second relationship after 2 days of breakup & I was having a hard time moving on) without a second thought. He even joked u can color ur hair, why cut such long hair which will now take atleast a year to grow back – just for a stupid guy because intially i was extremely hesitant to cut it too small. Then later he said We cut our hair to get rid of negative energies, so now everything will be awesome, one day at a time, just dont rush …… We later joked about few other stuff, and another guy pointed out that avoid guys who look for benefits of feminism and patriarchy both expecting you to bear the cost of losses at the expense of your health-physical and mental. They say they are feminists but those who are real guys will show you by their actions, not say it again and again. Its the empty vessels which makes the most noise -like on social media alpha guys.
Thats some really useful dating advice which i havent even heard from other female friends. For me barbershops are more than just haircare. Its the heart of every community, where the buzz of cold clippers mingles with the warmth of conversation. A unique sanctuary where everyone is welcome, and judgement is left at the door. A perfect place to vent as well as brag about anything and everything. A place where everyone has a voice, a true inclusive space where diversity is celebrated, conversations are cherished which fosters genuine connections over time.
What is your barbershop?
Where is that place for you, where people affected by a unique problem can meet a unique solution without judgement?
What is that safe community for you ?
